Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

 

I feel like I never really documented our time in Florida. Or at least I didn't document it in depth. Although looking back on it, it was a great experience. It took me a long time to be okay with the fact that we missed the whole Christmas season with family. Before Florida, I had already been struggling with it being my first Christmas ever away from home. Then we found out we wouldn't be having Christmas with either family and I would be getting cancer treatment in another country. I had a tough time. 

Several factors made this "journey" easier. My long lost cousins from Ponte Vedra made the experience something that Brody and I often reminisce fondly about. They really made a tough situation better by taking us on fun adventures every weekend, letting us crash at their house, borrow their cars and even have us over for Christmas Dinner. 

I don't know why I'm thinking about this today. I was just sitting on my phone and this specific memory from Florida hit me out of nowhere. 

It was Christmas Day. Brody and I had spent the morning on our own (on Facetime with our families) then were planning on going to Warren and Leanne's for the afternoon/evening. I had taken a break from moping that morning because I had a wave of realization that things really could be worse and we were blessed. But as the Facetime calls were hung up, I saw on Find My Friends that my whole family was together in Langley BC for dinner, I was sad. 

So we pack up in the car to make our drive over to Christmas Dinner and Brody turns on some Christmas music. I had basically boycotted Christmas music and the holidays all together unless we were with the Davidsons because all I could think about was how sad I was. But it was Christmas Day, and he insisted. Judy Garland's "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" came on. We all know that classic holiday song. But her slight change in words made all the difference for me. She sings "Next year all our troubles will be out of sight, next year all our troubles will be miles away." The car was silent as those lyrics hit me. The last part of the song says "Someday soon we all will be together if the fates allow. Until then we'll have to muddle through somehow. So have yourself a merry little Christmas now." 

The car was silent but the feelings were loud. We grabbed each others hands as if to say "This is all just temporary." 

Needless to say that I will never listen to that song again. I think it is a good reminder for myself and for everyone that things will be better, even if you have to just stick it out for a little while. We don't know what December is going to look like this year with more upcoming tests results hanging over our heads, but for now we are just going to be. 


December 25th, 2024








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