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Part 21: This Won't Matter

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 I'm really glad that Hans and I are close again. He is definitely not the same guy that I went to school with, but I wasn't the same as I was back then either. I was up to no good pretty much all of the time and Hans kind of thrived off of it. One night, I was in a bit of a vulnerable situation and I tell him that I love him. He says he loves me too. He actually says that he never stopped loving me and that we've always been made for each other. I have heard through the grapevine that a girl at a party was talking loudly about how she and Hans had been "hanging out." When this information gets back to me, I ask him about it and he says that he's never even heard her name before and he only wants me. I am just eating this up. I really do believe him. When he shows up to the gym later, we talk about it and laugh about how people would really do anything to break up a happy couple. I post a video of myself singing and he responds to it and says "You're ...

Part 20: In With the Old

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 A lot of my friends got married during Covid. There was a wedding in May, and it was the first "social distanced event" since the shut down. It kind of felt like what heaven would be like, as everyone pulled up in seperate cars just so happy to see each other. Manda and Ethan came together and I came in a separate car because they had plans after. So I pull up to the wedding and it felt like I was the only one not in a relationship. I was still crushing on Greg pretty hard and was still under the impression that it would go somewhere because I was in fact, heartbroken and clueless.  The whole wedding, I feel out of place. It felt like a couples party that I was eleventh-wheeling at. I figured that nobody actually wanted me there, so I skip the cake cutting, tell Manda and Ethan that I'm leaving and I get in the car and drive away. As I'm leaving the parking lot, I see a crowd of couples that I know. They're mostly my friends. In the sea of romance, I see somethin...

Part 19: Rock Bottom

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TW if you're sensitive like me :) Covid is at its height. The restrictions are tight, more things are getting cancelled by the hour, and my trip that I had planned to go see Manda was cancelled. I had told my co workers at the daycare that I needed a few days off after my breakup, but it closed down anyways. My boss said that she didn't think it would be an easy re-open because a lot of the moms of the kids were upset that you were going to have to be vaccinated to come back in. Because obviously it was our fault that we didn't want their kids to get a virus that was killing people. Anyways, my boss asked me if I wanted to start working at the front desk of the gym. I knew some of the front desk staff. It seemed like a bit of a frat house at times, but it was going to be a bit more weekly hours and a change of scenery. I agreed pretty quickly.  Manda was coming home from BYU. We wished it was under happier circumstances but we were really excited to have her home. I needed ...

Part 18: Gaston

 It's Sunday morning. March 15th, 2020. It's the first Sunday of the Covid shutdown and we keep getting more news of things being cancelled because of the pandemic. My parents still want us in our Sunday best and we're going to watch church over Zoom, but I can't stop thinking about my fight with Gaston from the night before. I text him good morning, he responds. I decide that it's time I address these problems that we've been having. I'm not dumb and I know that these issues can't keep going this way, so we need to fix them in order to live happily ever after.  I text Gaston. I say something along the lines of, "I know we've been having a lot of issues and we've been fighting lately. I just wanted to check in and make sure that you still love me." His response hits me like a truck. "Yeah... We should talk about this in person." I mean this was a first, him wanting to talk about things in person. But this was not a good respon...

Part 17: 3 Years

 On Valentine's Day in 2020, Gaston and I celebrate our three year anniversary. That is a long time to be with someone, when you're nineteen. We had the whole day planned out to go to White Rock all day and then have dinner later. He actually agrees to go which makes me really excited because he isn't usually so enthusiastic about hanging out with me. Our whole day is great, but my parents won't stop bugging me. They keep messaging me asking when I'm going to be home and if Gaston and I want to eat dinner with them. Gaston had probably eaten dinner with my family one time since we had gotten together. He never had anything to do with them and they didn't really care about him at all. They actually preferred when he wasn't around. We wrap our date up and head back to Abbotsford and have pizza with my family.  We had been home for maybe ten minutes when I look out onto my parents back deck, I see my sister Manda. My big sister, who I was missing so much since ...

Part 16: Is This Worth It?

 For my parents anniversary in 2019, they decided to go away to Tofino for the weekend and leave me at home to watch my siblings. I watched them all the time, but this was my first time watching them overnight. We started the day off at church but left after one hour to go home and eat lunch. Once we're home, we hear the doorbell ring. We had obviously been taught about basic stranger danger, so we knew to check the security cameras before we went to answer the door. But when we walk over to the camera screen, we see a man that we don't recognize. He has rang the doorbell, but as we're watching him live on the screen, he starts to look in our windows. After he looks in the windows, he starts to go through the mailbox, then walks over to our big window that looks into our living room and he looks inside. He then speaks into the door camera, saying something we can't quite make out. Then, he walks to the end of the driveway, takes a picture of our house and walks up the s...

Part 15: Is This What It's Like To Be An Adult?

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 June of 2019, I finally graduate high school. When I walk across that stage, I beam with pride. I wasn't as emotional about it as I thought I would be, I'm just really happy to be done with high school. Goodbye to the homework I never did, the teachers that I didn't cooperate with, the friends that I fought with and the early mornings that I hated. Graduating high school also meant graduating my bible study class with the horrible group of classmates. Life was good. Gaston went to my graduation and he sat with my family. This makes me a bit nervous because I know that they don't really like him. I hope that he's nice to them and that they're nice to him.  At the end of the graduation ceremony, nobody in my friend group is around. With 375 graduating students and all of their family members and friends, it was a sea of navy blue caps and gowns with everyone running in different directions. My family was going out for dinner and we had to get going to make it for...