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Part 26: Manda and Ethan

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 Manda's wedding was right around the corner and with the constantly changing Covid restrictions, we're limited to a drive-by bridal shower. I really felt sad for Manda and Ethan. They would have loved to have a huge party for their wedding with unlimited guests and a big dance and speeches. I was crowned the maid of honour and I was going to do all that I could to make this a good experience for her.  For the bridal shower, we set up stations around the outside of the church building where people could drive around and see each of us and do an activity. I was the first station where we collected gifts and handed out Pringles and La Croix water. I was spending a lot of time at the church building with my ever growing crush on Pete. He was still a missionary in Abbotsford and we did still talk everyday. Before the bridal shower started, he and his companion Elder Jensen showed up to the church. I had tried to message Elder Jensen on his birthday, to which he just replied with ...
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Part 25: Appendix-less in 2021

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 In January of 2021, I started to understand how teething babies feel. My wisdom teeth were coming in hot and they were extremely painful. When we pulled up to my appointment to have them pulled, I started to question if the pain of having them removed would be worth it to stop the pain of them coming in. I was going to get the laughing gas to help me get through it. I had never been on any sort of sedation before and was feeling really nervous about it all. Because of Covid still at its height, I had to be dropped off by myself. When I get in the chair, they lean me back and put a mask over my face which makes me feel claustrophobic and panic. But before I realize it, everything is moving in slow motion and everything is suddenly very silly.  As it goes with any sedation, it's all a blur. But I do remember part ways into the procedure I say "Hey, can you turn the sedation down?" The dentist ignored me, probably because he was concentrating and I had been spouting nonsens...
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Part 24: My Journey With Counselling

 I went to counselling in the spring of 2020 after the intervention with my family. My dad is a therapist and my whole family has always been extremely mental health positive, pro counselling and aware of our feelings. Some people (who don't understand how mental health works) might not get why the daughter of a therapist would be in counselling, because "can't you just talk to your dad about all of your problems?" My dad is wonderful in endless ways, but no. He wasn't my therapist and it's not a secret that we all need someone to talk to who has no biases and can keep things confidential.  I initially decided to target my break up with Gaston which triggered my fears of abandonment that I didn't even know I had. We had to meet over Zoom because of the height of Covid, but what was really going to help me was EMDR. I did EMDR for the first time when I could finally meet with my therapist in person. I am no expert on EMDR, but the simple version is that  EM...
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Part 23: A Bad Tumble

 My family doesn't feel the same. My mom is really sad and this Covid lockdown is really getting old. I have sat my parents down and told them that I don't want to be a member of the church anymore. Looking back on it, why did I think that this would be a good time to tell my mom this? Her entire world ripped out from under her and I was like, "Oh by the way, I hate the church and don't want anything to do with it." Not my best move. Sorry, mom.  My parents hold a family meeting about a week after my Grandpa's death. "So, how is everyone feeling?" my dad asked us. We hadn't ever experienced a loss like this, but the real elephant in the room was how hard it was to watch our mom in this state. I remember listening to her talk through sobs about how she would never see her dad again. I felt tears running down my cheeks but I felt numb. I wasn't used to seeing my mom crumble. We went around the circle to share our thoughts but I knew that we all...
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Part 22: Klaus Henrik Kurki

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 I'm sitting on the stairs at our house in Salmo. Jill, Holly and I have burst into song, singing "The Lions Sleep Tonight" and I'm taking a video of it. I have a massive mosquito bite on my eyelid and my grandma recommended I use toothpaste to ease the itching. So I have toothpaste smeared all over my eyelid. We're singing and laughing and I am trying to numb the pain of Hans' sudden departure. Suddenly, my mom runs outside in a panic. She has received a text that her dad has collapsed and is unresponsive.  I can still hear her cry, visualize her face, feel the hot August heat on my face as I stand outside to hear about what is happening. We were six hours from Abbotsford, where my grandpa was lying unconscious in the hospital. He had a heart attack and collapsed outside and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. It was utter chaos. Because of the lack of cell reception, my mom was just trying to call somebody to find out what was happening but she wasn'...
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Part 21: This Won't Matter

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 I'm really glad that Hans and I are close again. He is definitely not the same guy that I went to school with, but I wasn't the same as I was back then either. I was up to no good pretty much all of the time and Hans kind of thrived off of it. One night, I was in a bit of a vulnerable situation and I tell him that I love him. He says he loves me too. He actually says that he never stopped loving me and that we've always been made for each other. I have heard through the grapevine that a girl at a party was talking loudly about how she and Hans had been "hanging out." When this information gets back to me, I ask him about it and he says that he's never even heard her name before and he only wants me. I am just eating this up. I really do believe him. When he shows up to the gym later, we talk about it and laugh about how people would really do anything to break up a happy couple. I post a video of myself singing and he responds to it and says "You're ...
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Part 20: In With the Old

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 A lot of my friends got married during Covid. There was a wedding in May, and it was the first "social distanced event" since the shut down. It kind of felt like what heaven would be like, as everyone pulled up in seperate cars just so happy to see each other. Manda and Ethan came together and I came in a separate car because they had plans after. So I pull up to the wedding and it felt like I was the only one not in a relationship. I was still crushing on Greg pretty hard and was still under the impression that it would go somewhere because I was in fact, heartbroken and clueless.  The whole wedding, I feel out of place. It felt like a couples party that I was eleventh-wheeling at. I figured that nobody actually wanted me there, so I skip the cake cutting, tell Manda and Ethan that I'm leaving and I get in the car and drive away. As I'm leaving the parking lot, I see a crowd of couples that I know. They're mostly my friends. In the sea of romance, I see somethin...
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