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Part 11: I'm Really Sad

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Some time in grade eleven, Manda and I decided that it was time for our own rooms. Our house was small but big enough that we could have our own rooms if the younger two girls shared. So we moved into our own rooms and I feel like it was pretty underwhelming. It's funny how as kids, all we want is our own room. There were many nights that Manda and I spent arguing over who was going to turn the light off at night. Or nights where I was trying to sleep while she had friends over and they were being silly. I like to keep my space as messy as possible and she likes to be really neat, bed made and clothes put away. But there were also nights we spent laughing. Times where we made music videos on Video Star with Jordan or times when our mutual friends came over and we all stayed up together. So many good chats, belly laughs and fond memories. We moved into our own rooms, but what I would give to be sixteen sharing a room with my big sister again.   Gaston and I were pretty much sti...
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Part 10: On and Off Again

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 September of 2017, I was going into grade eleven. I was still dating Gaston and going strong with him since February. I like being someone's girlfriend. We don't really see each other outside of church activities and group get-togethers because we're still young and our parents ran a tight ship. But we had already said that we loved each other. I wanted to be this guy's wife. My family was not thrilled about me having a steady boyfriend at sixteen and they didn't seem to really like him in general. But they didn't know him like I knew him and they were going to have to get on board because we were going to get married one day.  Our school musical that year was going to be The Music Man. None of us were happy with this choice and we all considered boycotting the theatre program because "there's no way they'll do it without us" because we "held the program together" or something. We all bomb our auditions and I am left with a small rol...
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Part 9: I Know Where I've Been.

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 I finish grade ten feeling accomplished and relieved. We do a production of Hairspray (again, with only white kids) and I play Penny Pingleton. It's not the lead but there are a few singing parts that I really like and I got to act romantic opposite with a good friend of mine. I maybe should have mentioned this before, but I was kind of a legend in my high school for singing. I would sing O Canada on the announcement every Monday morning, our school put on a singing competition every year and I always participated. The song that I always came back to was "I Know Where I've Been" from Hairspray. It's a powerful, soulful song about struggle, identity and fighting for equal rights. So of course nobody found fault with a white sixteen year old singing it over and over again, right? So if you're familiar with that show, you know that Penny Pingleton doesn't sing that song, Motormouth Mabel does. The girl who was casted as Motormouth was actually black, therefo...
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Part 8: Underage Dating

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 Needless to say, I was really worried about going back to school for grade ten. Even though most of my bullies had graduated, a lot of people had heard what happened and I wasn't sure I could face them. I wanted them to know that I was different now. I wanted them to know that I was someone that they could be friends with.  On November 1st, 2016, there was word of a lockdown at a high school in Abbotsford. Abbotsford is small enough that the social circles run small. The circles become even smaller when you narrow it down to high school and even smaller when you narrow it down to grade nine and ten. When I got home from school that day, I hear that two girls had been stabbed in their high school. One of the girls lost their life and the other had life-threatening injuries. I was obviously very sad to hear this, but I had no connection to either girl. But things like that weren't supposed to happen in Abbotsford.  I wasn't prepared for what school would be like for the re...
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Part 7: What's the Point of the Women's Pull?

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TW if you're sensitive like me :)  The summer after grade nine, I am beyond ready to not be in school anymore. I couldn't wait to get away from all of those horrible people and I couldn't wait to not have to wake up early. Our church had a mandatory, early-morning scripture study class that started at 6:25 every school morning. It is a unique form of torture but I had friends there.  There was also a boy there that I had become quite fond of and we would text sometimes. But I didn't really know what his deal was because he would text me all this deep stuff but then totally ignore me in person. I didn't know at the time that that's what immature boys do, I was just confused and hurt by it.  Anyways, another unique form of torture that the LDS church inflicted upon us, is a pioneer trek in the hot depth of August. It involves walking a lot with a group of people (your fake Ma, Pa and siblings), sleeping under a tarp that's open on both ends, wearing pioneer cl...
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Part 6: I'm Fine, Everything's Fine.

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TW for people who are sensitive like me :)  The production that my theatre teacher decided to put on was "The Wiz".  If you haven't heard of it, that's okay because it isn't very good. It is the story of the Wizard of Oz, traditionally performed by African American people. The original cast featured Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, the songs are jazzy and soulful and my teacher decided to put on an all-white production of this show. This probably wouldn't slide in 2026, I think it barely slid in 2016, but I didn't really get what the big deal was at the time. I got a good part and had fun doing it.  A tradition that YMT does with every production, is an initiation for the first-timers. I heard about this for the first time a few weeks before the tech week of the show. I asked what the initiation was and everyone was really weird and secretive about it. I would push for more and more information and they would say things like, "if you really want a hint, l...
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Part 5: Bye, Bonnie

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 High school seniors, getting lost, and having no friends in my classes. Those were my three biggest concerns going into grade nine. I pictured the senior students pushing me up into lockers, tripping me in the halls, yelling in my face, etc. Manda was a grade above me at Yale Secondary and she was able to kind of show me around if I needed it. But she had classes to get to as well.  I had joined the musical theatre program at Yale because I had gone to all of their productions since I was quite young and the school had a really good reputation for their theatre program. I wanted to be a part of something like that so badly. I knew a few people from Seussical that had also joined YMT (Yale Musical Theatre) so I wasn't completely alone, but I was very shy and insecure.  I was in my first drama class and Bonnie was in my class with me. It's the only class we had together, but at least it was a fun one. I didn't have any classes with anyone else from my middle school group o...
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