Jensen House

One night in November, after deciding I was truly okay being single and at peace with myself, I drove up to the Vancouver Temple to walk, talk, and think.  I have always found the grounds comforting, so it made sense to me that I would go there to break down and think about my life. It was dark out, it was maybe close to 10:00pm and it was cold out. I started to walk laps around the lit up building, the tears flowing and almost freezing to my cheeks and the creases in my eyes. When I turned the corner during my lap, I heard two mens voices. My initial instinct is to run, which I'm sure any female will understand. But it wasn't a murderer, it was two missionaries. They were on their way home but had stopped to be by the temple, too. I recognized one of the Elders from earlier that year. It was Elder Jensen.  He was with his companion getting his picture taken in front of the temple. He had never caved to my flirting and I actually got the sense that he was annoyed with me most ...

Somewhere between the wedding, my surgery, and my ongoing simping over Pete, Holly and I stopped nannying together. I was juggling a few different families at the time, but the one that was especially dysfunctional—the same one with the stairs I fell down—ended abruptly and, unfortunately, not on great terms. It started with her baby daddy bringing home the wrong vacuum cleaner and forgetting to pay us. It ended with Holly and I walking out on a yelling match, leaving their poor toddler quite literally standing in the middle of them. We never went back after that. She did text me to let me know that she had taken the baby, the TV and a bunch of money and left their house. She asked me if I would testify in court if she decided to go for full custody. I was nineteen and I think anyone would agree that would be inappropriate. So I didn't respond and we never spoke again.  My other nanny families were great. One family had two boys and a baby girl, and the other had two small girls. T...

 Manda's wedding was right around the corner and with the constantly changing Covid restrictions, we're limited to a drive-by bridal shower. I really felt sad for Manda and Ethan. They would have loved to have a huge party for their wedding with unlimited guests and a big dance and speeches. I was crowned the maid of honour and I was going to do all that I could to make this a good experience for her.  For the bridal shower, we set up stations around the outside of the church building where people could drive around and see each of us and do an activity. I was the first station where we collected gifts and handed out Pringles and La Croix water. I was spending a lot of time at the church building with my ever growing crush on Pete. He was still a missionary in Abbotsford and we did still talk everyday. Before the bridal shower started, he and his companion Elder Jensen showed up to the church. I had tried to message Elder Jensen on his birthday, to which he just replied with ...

 In January of 2021, I started to understand how teething babies feel. My wisdom teeth were coming in hot and they were extremely painful. When we pulled up to my appointment to have them pulled, I started to question if the pain of having them removed would be worth it to stop the pain of them coming in. I was going to get the laughing gas to help me get through it. I had never been on any sort of sedation before and was feeling really nervous about it all. Because of Covid still at its height, I had to be dropped off by myself. When I get in the chair, they lean me back and put a mask over my face which makes me feel claustrophobic and panic. But before I realize it, everything is moving in slow motion and everything is suddenly very silly.  As it goes with any sedation, it's all a blur. But I do remember part ways into the procedure I say "Hey, can you turn the sedation down?" The dentist ignored me, probably because he was concentrating and I had been spouting nonsens...

 I went to counselling in the spring of 2020 after the intervention with my family. My dad is a therapist and my whole family has always been extremely mental health positive, pro counselling and aware of our feelings. Some people (who don't understand how mental health works) might not get why the daughter of a therapist would be in counselling, because "can't you just talk to your dad about all of your problems?" My dad is wonderful in endless ways, but no. He wasn't my therapist and it's not a secret that we all need someone to talk to who has no biases and can keep things confidential.  I initially decided to target my break up with Gaston which triggered my fears of abandonment that I didn't even know I had. We had to meet over Zoom because of the height of Covid, but what was really going to help me was EMDR. I did EMDR for the first time when I could finally meet with my therapist in person. I am no expert on EMDR, but the simple version is that  EM...

 My family doesn't feel the same. My mom is really sad and this Covid lockdown is really getting old. I have sat my parents down and told them that I don't want to be a member of the church anymore. Looking back on it, why did I think that this would be a good time to tell my mom this? Her entire world ripped out from under her and I was like, "Oh by the way, I hate the church and don't want anything to do with it." Not my best move. Sorry, mom.  My parents hold a family meeting about a week after my Grandpa's death. "So, how is everyone feeling?" my dad asked us. We hadn't ever experienced a loss like this, but the real elephant in the room was how hard it was to watch our mom in this state. I remember listening to her talk through sobs about how she would never see her dad again. I felt tears running down my cheeks but I felt numb. I wasn't used to seeing my mom crumble. We went around the circle to share our thoughts but I knew that we all...