Part 14: She's Angsty Because We Moved

 Our new church group is about as bad as I thought it would be. They like me and my sisters there but I am always wishing that I was with my old group. Gaston and I are still together despite not seeing each other as much. We see each other on the weekends and we have a lot of fun. I don't really get why he only wants to see me on the weekends but it's better than nothing. He and I get in really brutal fights though. If it's not great, it's horrible. One day, we text fight so badly that I decide I will only have this conversation face to face. So my good friend and I get in her car, drive to his school and I demand that he come out and fight with me in person. We are yelling, throwing our arms around, pointing fingers and cursing. He puts his finger really close in my face and my friend looks like she's going to get out of her car to intervene. People are staring while we yell at each other on the field. He tells me that people are telling him that I'm bad news and that he shouldn't be with me anymore. He says it like a threat, that if I don't let the argument go he is going to listen to them and leave me. I leave his school and when my friend asks me if everything is okay, I say that everything is okay now. 

The last production that I will ever do with YMT is Peter Pan. Jill is in grade nine now and because our family moved to East Abbotsford, she gets to do YMT with me. The old director has retired so I feel like I might actually have a shot at getting a good part this year. I nail my audition and when the cast list comes out, I see my name beside Wendy Darling. Four years of trying and getting ripped off, I have finally landed the female lead and I get to do it with one of my good friends who gets casted as Peter Pan. We get to wear harnesses and fly. I have great songs and dances and I was happy to end my time in theatre with a lead role.  

My new fame starts to go to my head and I get mean. I vowed that I would never end up like those grads that bullied me in grade nine, but I found myself making fun of the younger kids, my ego skyrocketed, I was a nightmare in class and I was mean to people for really no reason. I wanted people to know that I really was the best and I became really snobby. One of my teachers even points out, "You've gotten a lot more angsty this year." Jill was in the room and chimed in with, "It's because she's mad that we moved." She had a point. 

I had also gotten my first job at Boston Pizza. I knew a bunch of people that worked there and I thought it would be fun to all work together. I was wrong. One time the phone was ringing during a dinner rush and I had my arms full of dirty dishes I had to put down. As I'm putting the dishes into their designated spots, my manager comes storming into the dish pit and says, "HEY! When the phone rings, you answer it!" She points her finger at me when she says "you answer it" which freaks me out. I wanted to say, "You answer it!" 

One of the boys at church has taken a liking to Jill. I don't like him one bit. I get so many red flags about him and as if having to go to church with these people wasn't bad enough, now they were preying on my little sister. One day after our bible study class at the rec centre, Jill and I walked outside to wait for our ride. I was overcome with sadness, anger and disbelief that I had to be in class with these people. I just sat on the curb outside the building and put my face in my hands. Jill came and sat next to me in silence. The silence was loud, how was this happening? 

During the tech week of Peter Pan, everyone had been around each other enough that tensions were running a bit high. They were even higher for siblings, which in this case was just Jill and I. Our family had been having a bit of a hard time with Jill and her new beau, as was I. I knew him and I knew my sister and I knew that he was bad news. Jill and I end up backstage during the tech week and we find ourselves in a yelling match about her boyfriend. "You're ruining our family!" I yell at her. That was a horrible thing to say. Jill wasn't ruining our family, she adds so much to our family and we are so lucky to have her. If I could take it back, I would. At that point, I felt again that our family was never going to be the same again. That this was the conflict, the fight, the hard situation that would lead our family to end. I just knew that things weren't good, and I blamed Jill's boyfriend. I didn't make it up, he was actually horrible and we hate him. One time he actually showed up to our school in the middle of the day to mess with Jill and I stormed out to where he was like I was going to deck him or something. I probably would have done something but I had a group of friends to quite literally hold me back. 

On the closing night of the show, Manda gets accepted into BYU. This is a really big deal and she has worked so hard. I didn't care that she got her news on my big night, but underneath my excitement for her was an underlying feeling of dread that she was going to leave me. I have a huge section of fans to greet me after my show, including Gaston and his parents. He comes down at the end to tell me that I did a good job. I'm pretty happy with how things are going in our relationship, I think that he really loves me and we are getting along really well. I have completely forgotten that he decided he didn't love me anymore only one year ago. Things are different now. We're in a serious relationship. 

During the spring of grade twelve, I compete in Yale Idol for the last time and I win. It's an emotional experience for me because at the time, I was finally getting some recognition for my hard work and talent. After my name is called as the winner, the crowd goes wild. I wasn't the only one who had waited for this moment. One of my close friends decides that this is a good day to tell everyone that she's moving across the country, stealing my thunder and making me a bit mad. It really felt like my childhood was coming to an end, and it was really starting to sink in that high school was almost over. 

After the lights go back on and everyone makes their way back to class, the judges come up to me and tell me that they were moved by my performance, almost to the point of tears. This makes me cry too. After all of the fuss, I finally have a quiet moment to call Gaston at school and tell him about my victory. He actually responds and as I am gushing about my win he cuts me off and says, "That's great, good job. There are people around so I have to go." I was just happy that he answered so I thought that conversation was a big win. As I'm hanging up and tell him I love him, I see Hans making his way towards me down the hall. He picks up the pace to a jog and gives me a huge hug. "You did it!" he says, "I'm so proud of you." He hugs me tightly and doesn't let go. I'm glad that he's my friend. This is the last time we see each other for awhile, because he is with his girlfriend and I'm with Gaston. Throughout my grade twelve year, Hans is very forward about how he wants to be with me, even though he's dating someone else. He always tells me to leave Gaston and come be with him. I secretly love it because he pays attention to me and Gaston doesn't. In another world, it might have worked out but it just wasn't meant to be. I had chosen Gaston. He was the man I loved. 

The day I won Yale Idol in 2019