Part 20: In With the Old

 A lot of my friends got married during Covid. There was a wedding in May, and it was the first "social distanced event" since the shut down. It kind of felt like what heaven would be like, as everyone pulled up in seperate cars just so happy to see each other. Manda and Ethan came together and I came in a separate car because they had plans after. So I pull up to the wedding and it felt like I was the only one not in a relationship. I was still crushing on Greg pretty hard and was still under the impression that it would go somewhere because I was in fact, heartbroken and clueless. 

The whole wedding, I feel out of place. It felt like a couples party that I was eleventh-wheeling at. I figured that nobody actually wanted me there, so I skip the cake cutting, tell Manda and Ethan that I'm leaving and I get in the car and drive away. As I'm leaving the parking lot, I see a crowd of couples that I know. They're mostly my friends. In the sea of romance, I see something that breaks me to pieces instantly. It's Greg. But he's there with another girl, who I was acquaintances with. He's smiling and having a lot of fun. I think he showed more emotion in the five seconds that I saw him with her than he did during our entire forty-five minute date. 

I drive away quickly. I drive so fast that I don't even care if I crash. If I crashed nobody would care. That's probably as close as I got to texting Gaston to beg him to get back together. I will be alone forever, doomed to a relationship-less, depressing life. I cry so hard that I can't see. I end up pulling over on the freeway and calling a friend instead. She tells me that we should drink a lot and I agree. I had never done anything like that before but I thought it was about time that I started. Isn't that what people did when they were going through a crisis?

- 

I start to work at the front desk at the gym. Some days my shifts start at 4:30am. I would start my morning by going to Tim Horton's at 4:00am, order a french vanilla and an apple fritter and cry because I wasn't very good at early mornings and also because I hated my life. My co workers at the gym were fun though. The childcare was still shut down but I was working at the desk with people ranging from eighteen to twenty-five. 

I had decided to make a drastic change and dye my hair blonde. It definitely did boost my confidence quite a bit, especially because my hair was now to my cheeks instead of my earlobes. It boosted my confidence so much that I vowed I would never go back to my natural hair again. If you know me in 2026, that's why I'm still blonde. Anyways, this sparked a ton of compliments all over my social media. It was the first time I felt slightly good about myself in a long time. I did notice a like under my post from someone that I hadn't thought about in a long time. Hans. I was transported back to high school where Hans would always tell me how great we would be together, how he was in love with me, how he could treat me so much better than Gaston. I remember how sad I felt that last day of Grade Eleven when I said goodbye to him and felt like I had made the wrong choice by letting him get away. I decided to add him on Snapchat right then and there, he adds me back and sends me a message right away. We go back and forth and make small talk for a few minutes. I get a burst of confidence and send him a picture of my face with a caption that says, "So, I'm single now. Do you still think you're the perfect match for me?" He responds with a photo. the caption over the photo says, "Hell yeah, I do. Call me"

After talking to Hans for quite awhile, I realize that he has grown out of the sweet, charming, charismatic guy that I fell for during Mamma Mia. He is full of himself and really wants me to know about how many girls he's been with since we last talked. I pour my heart out to him about how bad Gaston ended up being and how sad I've been. In all of his egotistical ways, he is empathetic and helps me feel better. There are a few weird things about him though. He tells me that he only wants to hang out if he's the one driving. He usually only wants to hang out past 10:00pm and doesn't want to meet my family. He gets a gym membership at the gym and he comes to hang out with me on my break. He really likes that I've changed and have been experimenting with different things. He actually loves it, and I love that he loves it. 

Although Hans is kind of sketchy sometimes, I like having him back in my life. He's a good friend and I'm falling in love with him again. It is a bit of a drag keeping this from my parents but Hans was not Mormon and I didn't want them to know what I was getting up to. Although, I guess they will find out now.. Sorry, mom and dad.