Jensen House

  Today I had to go into the hospital for an MRI. From now on October will be the retesting month for any residual metastatic disease and to check on my kidney that is dying (oh yeah, my kidney is dying by the way). So far all the blood work has come back beautifully clean and the imaging is the next step to hopefully get some good news.  So if you've had an MRI, you know that you can't eat or drink anything before. Which would be fine if I didn't get really bad headaches when I don't drink a lot of water in the morning. So I show up to the scan after fasting overnight and my head is really pounding. I go to the desk and asked the nurse if I can just have a small sip of water to get a headache pill down. She said that it would be okay but I had to go beyond the locked doors to get to a fountain and she would escort me. Cool.  So we go past the locked doors and we enter into CT. There are people sleeping, people in hospital gowns, IV's being inserted, typical hospita...

  I feel like I never really documented our time in Florida. Or at least I didn't document it in depth. Although looking back on it, it was a great experience. It took me a long time to be okay with the fact that we missed the whole Christmas season with family. Before Florida, I had already been struggling with it being my first Christmas ever away from home. Then we found out we wouldn't be having Christmas with either family and I would be getting cancer treatment in another country. I had a tough time.  Several factors made this "journey" easier. My long lost cousins from Ponte Vedra made the experience something that Brody and I often reminisce fondly about. They really made a tough situation better by taking us on fun adventures every weekend, letting us crash at their house, borrow their cars and even have us over for Christmas Dinner.  I don't know why I'm thinking about this today. I was just sitting on my phone and this specific memory from Florida h...

  When I first started this blog my intention was for it to be an outlet to share my thoughts and feelings, as if I were writing in a journal. I like to keep it somewhat peppy (unless we're talking about cancer) so that I can look back on happy times and memories. However, if I want this to truly be an outlet for myself I feel the need to be honest that life isn't always peppy. I feel like there is so much going on that I don't feel like I can discuss with anyone for multiple reasons. So if there is one person reading this that feels like there is a lot to bear right now, I see you. I'm sorry you are having to bottle things up. I know the feeling well.  Life feels heavy right now. I said to Brody the other day that I feel like I have been going through a hard time for years. I was driving home from work today and the song called "Today Has Been Okay" came on. Today was not one of my better days. Neither was yesterday. But the song did take a bit of a lift off ...

  This past time we went to BC I realized how beautiful it all is. At one point I meant to say how I didn't appreciate the scenery when I lived there but I used the word respect instead of appreciate. So it became a running joke in my head that I didn't respect BC when I lived there. I swear it was funnier in my head... These trips back home are becoming more and more important to me. With all Brody and I have been through, I was very ready to see my family and friends. I really made the most of our time there but it never feels like enough time.  The first day we were there we headed to the White Rock with my whole family. It is so nice to be all together, even if it is windy and cold and my back is broken from surgery.  A BC favourite for Brody and I is always Krispy Kreme. We recruited Manda and Ethan to drive us and were able to spend the morning with them.  My big sister  My family has done professional photos for as long as I can remember. We usually do th...

  The past six or seven months or so, I have been seeing a new therapist who has been walking me through a "trauma timeline" of my life. It is about as intense as it sounds. We started at my earliest memory and have discussed anything I remember from my twenty-three years that at all doesn't sit right with me. Whether it is traumatic, sad or unsettling. As we have been working on it, I have thought more about my life story than I probably ever have. Though it is mostly the hard things we have discussed, sometimes it reminds me of positive moments or memories.  As I was describing the twists and turns of my life to my counsellor, I remembered an instance where something that was really troubling turned into something really positive and I will never forget it. I wrote down some point form notes and wanted to sit down here and document it and share it with anyone who might stumble across this post.  I worked at a car dealership in Calgary for two ish years when I first move...

  Moving away from home has been harder than I anticipated. One of the hardest parts is holidays. I have fought hard to be able to attend almost every holiday but obviously some sacrifices have had to be made. It might not seem like a big deal to some, but I have struggled with it.  This year, we weren't able to make it out for Mother's Day. On this day last year I was on my honeymoon and had seen my mom the day before and was going to see her again in a week, so it didn't really seem like a big deal to be away for Mother's Day.  So this year, when I realized I was going to miss out on the Mother's Day brunch, visiting with my family from out of town and spending the day with my mom. My siblings and I created a Mother's Day video with photos and videos of us saying how much we love her. I was able to FaceTime in when they showed it to her and we both bawled. It was really hitting me that this is my reality now.  So although I was away, I thought of her all day. ...

 Brody and I celebrated our one year marriage anniversary yesterday. The year flew by and we have had so much fun. Having said that, everyone who told me the first year of marriage is difficult was correct. We have gone through many struggles and adjustments. The hardest being the past two weeks. We have had to really pull together as a team to navigate finances, Brody starting a brand new university program all while being unemployed and battling mental health struggles.  Though is has been difficult to say the least, it has really reminded me why I chose Brody to be my husband. He really is the best for me. I don't want to go into too much personal depth about the tender moments we've had amidst our struggles, but he is my rock and I am so thankful for him.  Brody's birthday is at the end of April and our anniversary is May 13th. So around mid April we decided to celebrate. A lot. We took a day trip to the West Edmonton mall. I actually didn't take a single picture bu...