Part 8: Underage Dating
Needless to say, I was really worried about going back to school for grade ten. Even though most of my bullies had graduated, a lot of people had heard what happened and I wasn't sure I could face them. I wanted them to know that I was different now. I wanted them to know that I was someone that they could be friends with.
On November 1st, 2016, there was word of a lockdown at a high school in Abbotsford. Abbotsford is small enough that the social circles run small. The circles become even smaller when you narrow it down to high school and even smaller when you narrow it down to grade nine and ten. When I got home from school that day, I hear that two girls had been stabbed in their high school. One of the girls lost their life and the other had life-threatening injuries. I was obviously very sad to hear this, but I had no connection to either girl. But things like that weren't supposed to happen in Abbotsford.
I wasn't prepared for what school would be like for the rest of that year. When I show up the next morning, it's very quiet. There are police parked outside and they're closely monitoring the traffic coming in and out of the school. The lights are dimmed and it's very quiet. Some people cry but it is mostly just quiet everywhere. My first class was math and they explain to us that a student at the high school has died and that there are resources available if we need them. My next class is gym and my teacher is crying. A lot of the students in my class are crying and someone tells me that one of my good friends was really close with the girl that had died. It hits close enough to home when it's in your hometown but I had a feeling that this was going to be a burden I would have to help my friend bear.
When I see her, she is obviously gutted. There is nothing that I can do for her. We sit and she cries. I sing to her and play the piano in the drama room and she cries. I am just so heartbroken for my friend. I was right, it was a really heavy year. It was really hard for her for a long time and I gladly bore the burden with her. At times I felt like it was beyond me but I really wanted to be there for my friend.
At some point during the school year, Jill and I start to work at a stable to pay for our riding lessons. We go and clean paddocks in the pouring rain or hot sun. We didn't care because the job included occasionally being around the horses. We got to watch the pros jump around, I got to brush my favourite horse down a few times, we even got to cuddle the barn kitties out in the rain. One day, I was there without Jill for some reason and my dad came to pick me up. He told me that the school counsellor called him and told him what had happened the year prior in grade nine. Not the part about the bullying and the big lie, but the part about how I was cutting my arms up. He had a lot to say, but I mainly felt bad for him. I have always really been hypersensitive to my dad's feelings and I would never want him to feel like he was a bad dad. I'm sure that conversation was a hard one for him to have.
Somewhere in the middle of the sad and heavy times, I managed to swindle my first boyfriend. He was a good friend of mine that I had known since grade six. We tried to be very secretive about it because we knew neither of our families would approve and we had siblings at the same school. Remember that boy I had a crush on who I hugged at Trek? That fell apart pretty quickly when I noticed that he seemed extremely concerned with who Manda was hanging out with, who she was dancing with at dances and if she had said anything about him. I liked him and he liked her. I'm not here to be anyone's second choice so even at the age of fifteen I knew that I should probably let that dream die.
On the last day of school before Christmas break, me, my boyfriend and a bunch of our friends were stood in a circle in the drama room when an older student in the theatre program says, "Have you guys even kissed yet?" in front of the whole group. We hadn't, and we probably both wanted to fall through the floor in that moment but we gave each other a quick peck to shut everyone up and say goodbye before the Christmas break.
Our school was doing a production of The Little Mermaid and I was completely ripped off for my part. I played one of the daughters of Triton and my other role was literally called "princess #4" and I felt that I had actually hit rock bottom. I was really praised for my musical talent in grade nine, so I felt like I not only should have gotten a bigger part, but I deserved a bigger part. It was a really hard year in theatre while I tried to be a good sport about my crappy part.
Me and my boyfriend unfortunately broke up in February of that year, right after our show finished. I think we ultimately weren't that into each other and we were better off as friends. I'm happy to say that he stayed one of my best friends all throughout high school. When he and I broke up, I was interested in a different boy at church. He was a year younger than me and I had known him pretty much forever. We saw each other at church, at youth activities and in our bible study class every morning. Once my boyfriend and I broke up, there was really no reason to not go for it. There was actually a hundred reasons to not go for it, but are we surprised that I ignored all of them and went for it?
I've thought about what to call this person because they're going to be in my story for awhile. I think I'll call him Gaston because let's just say, the vibes are similar. Gaston and I make it official that February. We don't hide it but we don't flaunt it. In the Mormon church, you weren't supposed to date until you're sixteen and we were fourteen and fifteen. I felt like for the first time in my life, I was really happy.
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