Part 10: On and Off Again

 September of 2017, I was going into grade eleven. I was still dating Gaston and going strong with him since February. I like being someone's girlfriend. We don't really see each other outside of church activities and group get-togethers because we're still young and our parents ran a tight ship. But we had already said that we loved each other. I wanted to be this guy's wife. My family was not thrilled about me having a steady boyfriend at sixteen and they didn't seem to really like him in general. But they didn't know him like I knew him and they were going to have to get on board because we were going to get married one day. 

Our school musical that year was going to be The Music Man. None of us were happy with this choice and we all considered boycotting the theatre program because "there's no way they'll do it without us" because we "held the program together" or something. We all bomb our auditions and I am left with a small role again. I don't play Marion the Librarian, I play her mom. I have some lines, a few scenes but not really any singing parts. I cry hard when I see the cast list. I was so patient last year when I played Princess #4. Why didn't anybody here appreciate my talent? 

A couple months after the rehearsals started, I had a thought to ask the director if they would take Jill on as an ensemble member even though she was still in middle school. The choreographer for the show had seen her in a production of Aladdin where she played the genie and thought, "That kid can dance!" We didn't think that Jill would have an opportunity to be a part of the theatre program at our school because of rumours of school catchment boundaries getting more strict. This might be her only chance to be apart of a high school production. I told them that I would catch her up, I would teach her all of the blocking and choreography and the show would be better with her in it. It didn't take too much convincing for them to let her in. Although our relationship probably did almost end a couple times while I was teaching her. We spent hours in the small living room at our house dancing and arguing. She was picking it up quickly, and I was starting to feel really threatened. 

In December, Gaston texts me and tells me that he thinks we need some time apart. Because we weren't really able to see each other in person one on one, he calls me on our landline and says that he needs a week apart to decide what he wants. I am absolutely heartbroken by this. I needed him. We were meant to be together and I couldn't face all of the "I told you so" that would come from my family. I lay in my bed and I cry. Before he hangs up the phone, he tells me that he loves me. Why would he be leaving me if he loved me? About half way through our week break, Gaston and I see each other at a church event. I am really sad and all my friends are trying to keep us apart so we don't see each other. Somehow we end up in the same small group for the game we were all going to be playing. It was a sign that we were supposed to be together. God put us in the same group because we were supposed to get married, obviously. Gaston texts me as we're sitting in the same small group and says that he has had a horrible week and he made the worst mistake by telling me he needed a break. He loves me and can't imagine life without me. Of course I buckle and we sneak a kiss when we're away from everyone else. Later when I tell Manda that we're back together, she isn't as excited as I want her to be. She seems really disappointed by my good news which frustrates me. Why doesn't my family want me to be happy?

On February 13th, the day before the one year anniversary of Gaston confessing his love for me, we break up. I won't go into depth about the actual events that led to this happening as much as I want to. Let's be real, these blog posts get 10-20 views but who knows who will stumble across this one day and I'm not here to embarrass anyone. We break up on the 13th in the evening, but I wake up to a text from Gaston saying Happy Valentine's Day and Happy Anniversary. He is really confusing but I was so sad to be broken up that I answer his message and we text all day. This is all happening the same week that The Music Man is being put on. Talk about bad timing, because I have so much going on in my personal life and my days are so long with these shows going on. On top of my mental exhaustion, Jill is absolutely killing it during our tech week and people have started to call her "the new Becca" in rehearsal. Why did we need a new Becca? I mean I knew I wasn't good enough for Gaston, but now I wasn't good enough for my friends or teachers either? I express my hurt to one of my teachers and she tells me that all of the things that make Jill great, are a product of me teaching her to be that way. I don't know how true this is because Jill is great. She was great then and she still is today. 

We finish our show and it is a huge success. Everyone tells me that it is the best show YMT has ever put on. I end up ultimately having a good time with the show and I'm sad to see it end. My relationship ending the same time as my show was almost too much to bear. What did my life look like now?