Part 2: Annie Jr., 98.3, Halifax and a Tough Time in Math
Okay, so did anyone actually have a good experience in middle school? I mean I hate to be a downer, but I think struggling in middle school is a universal experience. I had a really special bond with my homeroom teacher in grade 6. She was quirky, young, loved musical theatre and we really clicked. She was the director of my school's production of Annie. I remember auditioning for the show and singing "Call Me Maybe" and her jaw was dropped for most of it. I had probably never felt better about myself.
I got casted as July, one of the orphans at Annie's orphanage. It was not the lead, but I did get a pretty decent solo in "You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile" Everyone thought that I was cool, I thought I was cool too.
Shortly after that show, my dad was driving Manda and I to school one morning. We lived way on the other side of Abbotsford so it was a bit of a drive to get to school. I really enjoyed my time with dad every morning, especially because I felt like he worked a lot and I didn't see him much. We would listen to Scott and Lisa on 98.3 Star Radio. We would make fun of their laughs and tell dad to skip the "bad songs". One time my dad told Manda and I that our family was going to become vegetarian because he and mom had watched a very disturbing video about the treatment of cows in slaughterhouses. This is a valid reason to not want to eat meat anymore but Manda and I both started sobbing because we couldn't imagine not having pepperoni on pizza for Manda's upcoming birthday. I think our reaction took him aback a bit. Our family isn't vegetarian anymore.
One day on a different commute to school, my dad asked us if we would be interested in going on a trip with our cousin Erikka. Our grandparents were called to be the mission presidents the summer prior to Halifax, NS. When I was told that they were going to be gone for 3 years in Halifax, I actually felt like they were dying and I was never going to see them again. They softened the blow by taking Manda, Erikka and I on shopping sprees leading up to their departure but I was still devastated. the trip that my dad was proposing to us was to go see my grandparents in Halifax unsupervised over spring break. I was eleven, Manda was twelve and Erikka was thirteen. We squealed and jumped for joy and our tickets were booked.
It was all of our first time on a plane. To quote Hot Rod: "It started off super positive, then it just got crazy." The early morning excitement of getting on a plane, being parent-free for a whole travel day, our parents bought us meal vouchers so we could eat real airplane food. It took a turn for the exhausting when we hit Toronto for our second layover. They didn't let the 3 of us off of the plane because we were too little and the Toronto pearson airport is very big. We started to bicker, we had eaten way too many chocolate muffins, hadn't used any of our meal vouchers and we were ready to be sleeping. As I'm writing this, I realize that this is a lot for an eleven year-old with anxiety!
We arrived, we had a blast. We shopped, ate lobster at Peggy's Cove, performed dances, ate popsicles, and even snapped this prized photo:
My actual school experience in grade 6 was hard. Like I said at the start, I think most people had a hard time in grade 6 but I was really struggling in secret. My stomach hurt all the time because it was my first experience with toxic mean girls. I really wanted to be friends with the popular girls and we were friendly for a bit but I was nothing like them. I would show up to school everyday not knowing if they were going to be speaking to me or not, for reasons I would have to guess while they all decided that I was "out of the group" and wouldn't talk to me. It might have been karma because sometimes we decided we wanted a different girl out of the group and I would give her the silent treatment with them, because if I didn't then they wouldn't like me anymore. I didn't understand how everything could always end up being my fault.
I remember one day my dad asked me why my stomach hurt all the time. I couldn't possibly tell him that it's because I was being treated so badly by my friends or else he would get involved or feel really sad, and I couldn't make my dad sad.
However, they did realize I was struggling in school when my teacher sent out missing assignment reports to the parents and I had sixteen missing assignments. Primarily in math because I never did my homework. I think this was partly lazy and partly because of learning disabilities because I had no idea what was going on most of the time. Anyways, my parents confronted me about my missing assignments and my "I" in math. A parent-teacher conference was scheduled and my math teacher, Mr. B told my dad that I never completed any homework assignments. We decided that me and my dad would do my homework together to help me understand better and make sure it gets done. What a great dad. It was hard on both of us. There were many nights I spent crying trying to understand the math but failing no matter how many times he explained it. Little did he know that there were more homework assignments that I was assigned that we weren't doing, because I didn't want to.
So when my dad was called in for another meeting with Mr. B to discuss my progress, I was really worried that I was going to be busted for not doing my homework. Especially after the initial confrontation. So my dad comes home from the meeting and sits me down. He calmly asks, "So, what do you think we talked about in the meeting?" I quickly turned into a puddle of sad, sorry tears and whimpered out, "Probably that you both hate me and I'm the worst kid ever." Obviously dad was a bit shocked my response because despite my guess of what was discussed, they had actually talked about different teaching approaches, a system to get the missing assignments in and possibly getting me on some ADHD medication.
My dad didn't know that I was in the middle of constant drama between a bunch of problematic, caddy girls and that I really did feel like the worst kid ever. The missing assignments were just one more thing that I couldn't do right and I really didn't want anyone to know about it. I wish I could say that the year got better for me but it was definitely a tough one. I have a lot of compassion for my middle-school self and really wished that I had been able to open up a bit more. It actually is okay to tell your parents that you're struggling, even if it makes them a bit sad.
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