Part 15: Is This What It's Like To Be An Adult?
June of 2019, I finally graduate high school. When I walk across that stage, I beam with pride. I wasn't as emotional about it as I thought I would be, I'm just really happy to be done with high school. Goodbye to the homework I never did, the teachers that I didn't cooperate with, the friends that I fought with and the early mornings that I hated. Graduating high school also meant graduating my bible study class with the horrible group of classmates. Life was good. Gaston went to my graduation and he sat with my family. This makes me a bit nervous because I know that they don't really like him. I hope that he's nice to them and that they're nice to him.
At the end of the graduation ceremony, nobody in my friend group is around. With 375 graduating students and all of their family members and friends, it was a sea of navy blue caps and gowns with everyone running in different directions. My family was going out for dinner and we had to get going to make it for our reservation. On the way to the restaurant, one of my friends calls me asking where I am. I tell him that I've already left and he asks me if I would mind if they went ahead and took photos together without me. How could I say no? I tell them that it's okay to take group photos but it does sting a lot. It stings to see all of the photos posted of our whole group of friends and I'm the only one not there.
The day before my senior prom, my mom takes me to the mall to try to find a small purse to bring with me. I'm having the start of what feels like period cramps coming on but it was nothing that would stop me from walking a mall. I remember watching her walk into a store, then my vision started to get a little fuzzy, then my hearing started to mute and then I was sitting on the floor. This wasn't the first time my period made me pass out, but I was in the middle of the mall and my mom was walking away. The next thing I remember is her sitting next to me while I cry and freak out about not being able to get up. How in the world was I supposed to go to prom? Me and all my friends rallied together, prayed for a miracle and I was able to go and feel okay.
My friends and I also all made a pact that we weren't going to drink or go to any parties after prom. Even when a smaller party was announced with people that we knew, we still all agreed to not go. Then in the middle of the dance, my girlfriends all come up to me and tell me that they've all decided to go to the afterparty. I was starting to get a bit tired of these people. I was also a bit tired of being a goody-two shoes that couldn't go to parties. Gaston and I were supposed to go to Denny's together but his dad called him freaking out about him being out late and told him he had to come straight home. So I went home after prom and slept in my own bed.
Now that I had graduated high school, I was allowed to go to the young adults church service with Manda. She was going to be leaving for BYU in the fall so I was glad to soak up every moment with her. One day on our drive home from church, she asks me if I'm going to marry Gaston. I know she doesn't like him. She doesn't like that he and I are together and she has a bit of a hard time hiding it. This really bothers me that she acts this way, so I answer her question. Yes, I'm going to marry him. I say that he has all of the qualities that I want in a husband and that we're really in love. She bites her tongue and just says, "Okay." I know what was going on in her mind. She was thinking about how her sister could have ended up with such a jerk, completely blinded by love and when I would come to my senses.
I have a blissful summer with Gaston. I'm happy to be in a relationship and have someone to spend so much time with. Although he still only wants to see me on weekends, which I don't understand. But it's okay with me. At least we're in love.
Manda leaves for BYU at the end of August. I go with my parents to Utah to drop her off. Manda has always been shy but she decided that when she got to BYU, she was going to be really friendly and hit it off with her new roommates. When we arrive to her apartment, it's kind of dumpy and small. Nobody is home except for one girl who doesn't really seem very excited to see us. She shows Manda to her room and leaves us in the empty apartment by ourselves. My heart hurts as I watch Manda unpack her things into this place. Me and my parents were all thinking the same thing: we cannot leave Manda in this apartment.
We go to a nearby Target to get Manda some last things that she didn't bring. When my mom and I are alone, I break down in tears because I feel so sad for Manda. My mom is stressed about the situation and was probably also beyond stressed about leaving her child here alone. One thing led to another, arrangements were made and they were able to get Manda out of that housing arrangement and into a much better one. The day of her BYU orientation, we say our sad goodbyes and we leave her. This is the first time that we are separated. We had only stopped sharing a room about a year ago. I was so proud of her, but I was not ready to leave her.
I had decided that I had been working at Boston Pizza for long enough. I was absolutely miserable there every time I worked. I applied to forty-five jobs with no luck. I was getting really discouraged. After months of searching, I find the perfect job at a daycare in a gym. It's me and four other women around my mom's age. I get to play with babies and toddlers every morning while their moms go to yoga class in their Lululemon attire. The women that I work with love me to bits. They love hearing about Gaston and about how happy we are together. I love my job.
With Manda being away in Utah, and more added finances coming into play, my parents thought that it would be a good idea for my mom to get a job. She had been a stay-at-home-mom for twenty years and she really held our family together. My dad was working at LYFS (Langley Youth and Family Services) in Langley and was also working at his own private practice, Connectivity Counselling. Most days he would come home from LYFS, eat and then go back to Connectivity for the evenings. On Wednesdays, he would start at LYFS at 7:00 in the morning, and work at Connectivity until 8:30 at night. I felt like I rarely saw him and it felt sad. My mom was hired onto the janitorial service at the Abbotsford hospital. The hours were long and inconvenient and the work itself was just awful. I would drop her off at 3:00 PM and Dad would pick her up at 11:30 or midnight. Or sometimes it was a 7:00AM start and a 3:30PM finish. Because of the awkward hours, they really needed my help to pick up the slack around the house. I would often drive the younger kids to school, pick them up, take them to their extra curricular activities, start meals, make sure their homework was done, etc. I remember one time Holly texted me to ask if she could have a friend over and I thought, "Aren't I a little young to be parenting these kids?"
One day I dropped my mom off at the hospital for work and I remember crying like a baby. I hated how they treated her at work. I almost actually felt panicked sending her inside those doors knowing how the day was going to go. She would cry because of the horrible conditions and treatment. If this is what being an adult is like, then forget it. I don't want any part of this. I was just a kid that wanted her mom and dad. I just wanted my sister to come home.
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